There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
