im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
