I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
