I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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