I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
