She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
