Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
