and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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