my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
