So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
