I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
