You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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