Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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