I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
