my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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