i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
