i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize