hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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