btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think a kid would responsible me up
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
