I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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