I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
