Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize