Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
