Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
