did you get engaged???
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
