Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Randomize
