Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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