I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
