My hair reeks of homosexuality.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
