I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
NoShamevember. You game?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
