seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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