i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
