Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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