You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
