those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
