Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
