So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
