i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
