some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
