I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
