So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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