That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
