Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
whose ass print is on the piano?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
