every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
