I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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