my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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