forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
