Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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