we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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