Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
