i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
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You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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