come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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