Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
