and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers