i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."