I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
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I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.