I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
