I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream