I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
