i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
40s are totally the cure
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
