Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.

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  (817): Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question. http://tfl.nu/9lcn
  Replies (4) Good night (2121) Bad night (956)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja

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  (512): we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja http://tfl.nu/0h0h
  Replies (9) Good night (5338) Bad night (1022)
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  (516): View more from New York

  my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing

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  (516): my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing http://tfl.nu/sqvp
  Replies (2) Good night (718) Bad night (1434)
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  (516): View more from New York

  He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this

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  (516): He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this http://tfl.nu/b4ty
  Replies (8) Good night (3167) Bad night (1210)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.

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  (260): I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much. http://tfl.nu/tatw
  Replies (5) Good night (1097) Bad night (569)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex

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  (617): Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex http://tfl.nu/il5u
  Replies (4) Good night (1244) Bad night (723)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.

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  (772): Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid. http://tfl.nu/hte9
  Replies (9) Good night (644) Bad night (2067)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.

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  (512): I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland. (1-512): I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies. http://tfl.nu/m9ig
  Replies (5) Good night (1164) Bad night (482)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)

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  (972): Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :) http://tfl.nu/7aie
  Replies (1) Good night (855) Bad night (397)
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  (347): View more from New York

  you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.

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  (347): you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking. http://tfl.nu/78bt
  Replies (6) Good night (566) Bad night (1938)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month

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  (412): somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month http://tfl.nu/lqqv
  Replies (3) Good night (366) Bad night (447)
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  (510): View more from California

  There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.

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  (510): There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do. http://tfl.nu/onee
  Replies (2) Good night (556) Bad night (346)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.

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  (631): I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct. http://tfl.nu/6tip
  Replies (1) Good night (528) Bad night (322)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.

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  (601): Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried. http://tfl.nu/j3wq
  Replies (4) Good night (288) Bad night (588)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."

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  (386): I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..." http://tfl.nu/qnf3
  Replies (5) Good night (240) Bad night (504)

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