Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it