So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.