Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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