the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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