I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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