and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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