He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
